Dealing With My(extremely volatile)Self

The words were just echoes
The day was somehow turning brighter
But It was winter all along
In which i can hear the silence cracking
These voices following me
Into the darkest hour
and i dont know what to listen,
Do I listen to you?, do I listen to me?, do i listen to these empty words?
Do I listen to the seductive sound of death?
These are the days in which my will fades away
These are the stranger days,
These are hours of silence
not because I ran out of music
Maybe because sometimes I run Out Of Faith
and i hide from everything that reminds me of that
I need to learn
I need to learn
Shit, i need to learn
and I am learning
I will
just need time
a little time
I just need to live each day
Looking forward
I dont want to look back
I am tired of feeling like that
Because
I´ve been so many times
for that same road
and at the end
I just need to kill
kill it all inside
Maybe its dead already
at the end I end up tied and helpless
I´ll step away from complication tonight
I´ll sail away from that shore
I cannot destroy who I am
I cannot destroy what I feel
but I have chosen not to feel
I felt divided
I wish I can separate feelings
and I feel fragility coming
and I feel
myself trying to forgive and forget
and forgave myself for good
but i forgot myself also
sometimes I wonder inside the chaos
Would all of this some day make sense?
or am I doomed to be locked for the rest of the time?
Cuz I want to be free
Cuz I want to feel
Maybe I have an infatuation with Pain
should get a tattoo instead of writing this (right Luisa haha)
instead of feeling like crap
I choose now to end this neverending story
I know I will be fine
I know everything at the end makes sense
Too many question
but I´m so glad to be ignorant
Cuz I dont want a master plan
i just want to Forgive and forget (but not myself)
complication instead
We are told to stand up
We are told to be good soldiers
We are told to be happy
but that is sometimes BULLSHIT
I will no longer abandon me
I know i will be fine
I know
so at the end i got a smile
a very good version of Radiohead´s Airbag on reaggue
and hopefully a good night sleep
so good night
my conflicted self
:)